Beware of the Sob Story

By Michael Thompson, Founder of the Falsely Accused Network

When men are dating, there are certain patterns of behaviour that should immediately ring alarm bells. One of the most common stories we hear on the Falsely Accused Network helpline is what we call “the sob story.”

It usually begins in the early stages of a relationship. A woman may tell her new partner that her ex was abusive – that he was violent, controlling, or cruel. At first, it might seem like a heartfelt confession, a way of explaining past pain. But later, many men discover something very different: the woman herself was the abuser, the allegations against her ex were false, and in time, she goes on to make similar allegations against her new partner.

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The Catch-22 Men Face

This creates a cruel dilemma. If her claims are true, then she has genuinely been damaged by past abuse and may carry deep trauma into the new relationship. But if the claims are false, then the man is at high risk of becoming the next person she accuses.

From speaking to thousands of men, we see this pattern repeated again and again. Roughly 95% of the men who call our helpline tell us the same thing: their accuser had previously claimed abuse in past relationships. This is not coincidence. It is a cycle.

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Borderline Personality Disorder and Repeat Allegations

It’s important to be clear: not every woman who makes allegations is lying, and not everyone with mental-health difficulties is abusive. But there is a well-documented link between certain personality disorders and repeated cycles of destructive behaviour.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), for example, is associated with instability in relationships, impulsive behaviour, and a tendency to split people into “all good” or “all bad.” Someone with untreated BPD may idealise a new partner at the start, only to later devalue and demonise them. False allegations can sometimes emerge as part of this cycle – a way of projecting inner turmoil onto others, or of controlling the narrative when relationships break down.

Again, not every allegation comes from a person with BPD, and not every person with BPD makes false allegations. But for men navigating the dating world, it is important to be alert to behavioural red flags – including exaggerated sob stories about multiple abusive exes.

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Why the Sob Story Matters

False allegations destroy lives. They lead to arrest, criminal investigation, family-court battles, financial ruin, and lasting damage to mental health. And when someone uses the sob story repeatedly, the pattern is clear: what happened to the ex is likely to happen to the new partner.

We hear these accounts every single week on the Falsely Accused Network helpline. They are not rare. They are not isolated. They are part of a wider pattern of behaviour that men need to be aware of before they become entangled in it.

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What Men Can Do

Stay alert to early warning signs. If every ex was “a monster,” ask yourself if that really adds up.

Don’t ignore patterns. If a partner constantly references past abuse, but every single partner was allegedly abusive, treat that as a serious red flag.

Seek support. If you find yourself facing allegations, don’t try to handle it alone. Reach out for help immediately.

At the Falsely Accused Network, we exist to support men and women who find themselves caught in this nightmare. Whether it’s practical advice, emotional support, or connecting you with experienced professionals, you are not alone.

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📞 Helpline: 0204 538 8788

📧 Email: support@falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

🌐 Website: www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

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⚠️ Disclaimer: The Falsely Accused Network provides support and guidance for individuals in England & Wales who have been falsely accused. We are not a law firm and do not provide legal advice. If you require legal representation, we can connect you with trusted solicitors or McKenzie Friends who understand these issues.