Breaking Up with a Girlfriend or Wife Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder Or Abusive Female

By Michael Thompson, Founder of Falsely Accused Network

Breaking up with a girlfriend who has BPD is tough. Breaking up with a wife who has it is far more dangerous.

This isn’t a normal breakup. You’re leaving someone who’s lied, manipulated, and possibly threatened you. And if you’re not prepared, it can destroy your reputation, your access to your children, and your mental health.

Here’s how to get out and protect yourself.

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Accept What’s Happening

She won’t change. It doesn’t matter how patient or loyal you’ve been. You’ve already tried everything. You’re not walking away from love. You’re walking away from chaos.

Let go of any hope that she’ll be reasonable, kind, or fair. The person she showed you at the start of the relationship doesn’t exist.

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Plan Quietly

Don’t tell her you’re leaving. That invites trouble.

Instead:

Get your paperwork in order.

Save key messages, recordings, and screenshots.

Arrange somewhere else to live if you share a home.

Speak to someone who understands false allegations and high-conflict cases.

Tell a trusted friend what’s going on in case anything happens.

If you’re married, speak to a solicitor first. File before she does. You’ll have more control that way.

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Expect Trouble

Once she knows the relationship is over, expect:

Emotional blackmail.

Sudden threats or “cries for help.”

Accusations of abuse.

Attempts to control the children.

Damage to your reputation.

Keep calm. Don’t try to explain yourself. Don’t argue. Don’t take the bait. Keep everything documented.

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Don’t Stay for the Children

Many men do. It feels like the right thing. But if your partner is unstable, your children are already suffering.

Leaving doesn’t mean giving up. It means getting into a better position to protect them.

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Cut Off Contact and Stay Firm

After the breakup:

Block her number.

Cut all contact unless it's legally required.

Use parenting apps if you share children.

Never respond emotionally. Keep it short and factual.

She may try to draw you back in through guilt, panic, or drama. Don’t fall for it.

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Don’t Let Guilt Run You

You might feel bad. She’ll probably tell you you’re heartless. That you’re abandoning her.

You’re not. You’re saving yourself.

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Watch for False Allegations

Men are often accused of things they didn’t do. If she’s threatened it before, believe her.

Do the following:

Log every serious message or threat.

Save call logs, emails, and voicemails.

Keep a written record of key events.

Tell your solicitor early if you suspect anything’s coming.

Don't assume your innocence will speak for itself. Get ahead of it.

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Speak to the Right People

If you’re struggling mentally, speak to someone who supports male victims. Avoid therapists who excuse abusive behaviour or tell you to stay and support her “healing.”

You’re not a support worker. You’re not her therapist. You’re a man who’s been hurt and needs recovery of your own.

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Correct the Lies Early

If you think she’s lying about you to friends, family, or professionals, be proactive:

Speak calmly to the people who matter.

Provide facts, not emotion.

Don’t try to defend yourself to everyone. Focus only on those who count.

Let the others go.

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Your Next Steps

If you’ve reached this point, you know something’s wrong. Trust that feeling. Prepare quietly, move quickly, and don’t look back.

You’re not weak for leaving. You’re strong for facing reality.

And if you need support—from legal guidance to emotional backup—get in touch.

Call the Falsely Accused Network on 0204 538 8788 or visit www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

We help men like you every day. You're not on your own.