Understanding Female-Perpetrated Abuse Against Men

By Michael Thompson, Founder of the Falsely Accused Network

Abuse doesn’t always look how you expect. While most public attention focuses on male-on-female abuse—and rightly so in many cases—there’s a quieter crisis affecting men. Male victims of female-perpetrated abuse are often dismissed, ridiculed, or simply not believed. Yet the patterns of control, manipulation, and even violence are real.

This article outlines common behaviours reported by men who’ve experienced abuse in intimate relationships with women. These are patterns we've seen in support calls, legal cases, and group discussions with men who’ve been falsely accused or manipulated.

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1. Control Through Conditional Intimacy

Some abusive women withhold affection, sex, and emotional warmth unless they get what they want. This might include demands to get pregnant, threats to leave unless the man complies, or using sex as a tool of control. It creates confusion and emotional dependency.

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2. Using Pets as Emotional Leverage

An abuser might form an intense emotional bond with a pet—real or performative—and use that to create a power imbalance. Some men report being alienated from their own pets or having their pets turned against them. It’s another way to punish and isolate.

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3. Fostering Dependence to Limit Escape

Abusive women sometimes make their partners reliant on them—financially, logistically, emotionally. She might take over all aspects of the household, discourage outside friendships, or create legal threats (like false accusations) that make leaving feel dangerous. Over time, he’s trapped.

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4. Manipulating Children and Denying Contact

One of the most devastating tactics is using children to punish or control. This includes denying access, emotionally turning children against the father, or even coaching them to say untrue things in family proceedings. The aim is to isolate and discredit the man in court.

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5. False Allegations of Sexual Violence/ domestic abuse

Some men report being falsely accused of rape or sexual assault and domestic abuse particularly after ending the relationship or meeting someone new. These accusations often stem from previous consensual encounters and are sometimes timed with disputes over parenting, finances, or moving on.

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6. Targeting Isolated Men

A common thread is that abusive women often go for men who are already somewhat isolated—those with minimal family contact, few friends, or low self-esteem. These men are less likely to tell someone what’s happening, and more likely to stay silent out of shame.

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7. Online Stalking and Image Management

Once a relationship breaks down, an abusive partner may launch a campaign of digital harassment. She might contact friends, employers, or even new partners—framing herself as the victim and him as dangerous. This can destroy a man’s reputation before he even knows it’s happening.

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8. Sudden Violence and Sexualised Attacks

While less talked about, some men describe being attacked physically—often at night or by surprise. The attacks may involve weapons and often target the lower body or genitals. Many of these incidents are never reported due to embarrassment or fear of being disbelieved.

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Why This Matters

Male victims often suffer in silence. There’s little support, few safe spaces to speak openly, and a public narrative that tells men to “man up.” Worse, false allegations can land innocent men in prison or cut them off from their children indefinitely.

None of this denies that women are victims too. They are—and often at much higher rates. But that truth doesn’t cancel out the reality that some women abuse, and some men suffer in silence because of it.

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If You’ve Been Falsely Accused, You’re Not Alone

The Falsely Accused Network supports people across England and Wales who’ve been falsely accused of domestic abuse. Whether you're dealing with a police investigation, a non-molestation order, a family court dispute, or the emotional fallout, we’re here to help.

We offer:

Referrals to trusted solicitors and McKenzie Friends

A structured, secure peer support group

Help navigating the legal system and understanding your rights

Mental health support and recovery tools

Don’t go through this alone. Speak to someone who understands what you’re facing.

📞 Call us on 0204 538 8788

🌐 Visit: www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

You're not the only one. You’re not powerless. And you’re not finished. Reach out today.