WHY WON’T THE POLICE TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?

Written by Michael Thompson, Founder of the Falsely Accused Network

Across England and Wales, a growing number of men are coming forward to report domestic abuse perpetrated by a wife or girlfriend. What we are hearing — again and again — is deeply troubling.

Men tell us they have gone to the police asking for help, only to feel dismissed, minimised, or not believed at all. Some report that officers refused to take a statement. Others say they were treated with scepticism, sarcasm, or even laughter. A few were told — explicitly or implicitly — that domestic abuse “doesn’t really happen” to men.

This article is not written to discourage men from reporting abuse. It is written to shine a light on a systemic problem that must be confronted if justice is to mean anything at all.

WHEN REPORTING BECOMES ANOTHER TRAUMA

Reporting domestic abuse is difficult for anyone. For men, it often comes with additional barriers: shame, fear of ridicule, and the expectation that they should be able to “handle it”.

When a man overcomes those barriers and goes to the police, he should be met with professionalism and seriousness. Yet many describe the opposite experience. We hear accounts of:

• Statements not being taken

• Injuries not being photographed or logged

• Officers assuming the man must be the perpetrator

• Reports dismissed as “mutual arguments” rather than abuse

Even when incidents involve physical violence, coercive behaviour, or credible threats, some men leave the station feeling worse than when they arrived.

FROM POLICE TO COURT: A PATTERN OF MINIMISATION

In the small number of cases where female perpetrators are charged and appear before the courts, men frequently report another shock: the outcome.

Sentences can appear strikingly lenient. Cases that would likely attract significant custodial sentences if the roles were reversed may result in conditional discharges, fines, or suspended sentences.

Victims are left asking how the harm they suffered was weighed so lightly.

INSTITUTIONAL BIAS: THE UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTION

Raising the issue of bias is uncomfortable, but unavoidable.

Domestic abuse policy in England and Wales has long been framed primarily around female victims. While important protections have flowed from this, it has also created blind spots.

Male victims often feel treated as anomalies rather than victims. The result is not equality before the law, but a two-tier response.

PATERNITY FRAUD: A CRIME RARELY TAKEN SERIOUSLY

The same pattern appears in cases of paternity fraud.

Men discover — sometimes years later — that they have been deceived into believing a child was theirs. They may have paid maintenance, built emotional bonds, and made life decisions based on that lie.

Prosecutions are exceptionally rare. Where consequences do follow, they are usually civil rather than criminal.

The message is clear: this harm is not treated as a priority.

WHY THIS MATTERS

When men are not taken seriously:

• Abuse goes unreported

• Dangerous behaviour escalates

• Trust in the justice system erodes

• Equality before the law becomes theoretical

A system that fails one group of victims ultimately fails all victims.

WHAT HAS TO CHANGE

• Equal treatment at first contact

• Proper evidence gathering regardless of gender

• Judicial accountability in sentencing

• Recognition of under-prosecuted harms, including paternity fraud

This is not about discouraging reporting. It is about making reporting meaningful.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

If you are a man in England or Wales who feels you were not taken seriously by the police, courts, or other agencies, you are not imagining it — and you are not alone.

The Falsely Accused Network exists to support people navigating these realities with clarity, honesty, and fairness.

Website: www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

Email: support@falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk

Telephone: 0204 538 8788